Pass the Past

lets get nostalgic
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With whatever I have right now, it leaves a hell of a lot to be desired. I'm missing something in my life, and it ruins everything. Sure, I can seem happy, but I still don't think that I've got it all. Everyone else seems to have all their shit figured out and ready to go, while I sit here wondering what the hell to do with myself, and how to finally go about doing it.

Yeah, I fucking already know that for pretty much everyone out there it's not an easy ride, but it's just the fact that this illusion exists and is so powerful all the time. I know for a fact that things aren't perfect for others, especially after a few days ago, but I still can't help but want to hate the world for now. Yeah, life isn't fair, nothings fair, blah blah blah. If anyone knows the way the world functions, its going to be me since I'm a no nonsense kinda guy when it comes to life.

Still, I fell like shit. I feel lonely. I feel weak. I feel vulnerable. I feel like theres something terribly fucked up. It isn't right. I like to brush stuff off and keep on going in my old humorous, no nonsense, spur of the moment ways, but I feel stuck now, trapped. Nothing seems right. Like puzzle pieces just forced together, it just doesn't mesh. Looking back at the previous year, I'd love to think that I'm at an all time low, and I probably am. I need more people in my life, and not just anybody, but as much as I hate to admit it, I really doubt that I can get things the way they were forever, or ever again.

Mrs. Mystery!

[adult swim]
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ITS THE UFOS!
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Work until 11ish T_T
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Funny thing today. I was leaving work at 11:20pm or so, and as I was crossing the street and turning the corner, the driver of the car stopped at the light quickly turned her head, eyes all lit up, and started waving at me all excited. I just kind of smiled and waved back since my obviously slow mind didn't make the connection that it was someone who seemed to have known me. A second later though, it finally occurred that maybe they knew me and wanted to say "hello" or something, but I figured it was too late for me to turn around and walk back to the car- besides, it was a traffic stop and they were probably pulling away in a couple seconds anyway.

Now, I tried to figure out who it was, and judging from the way her hair looked curled, I instantly assumed it was one friend of mine. The hair color matched, the curls, possibly the car, the location, it all seemed pretty probable to me. Of course, it wasn't her. She had no idea what I was talking about. Okay then, so who the hell was it? I mean, I don't really know of anyone else that looked like that, even though I guess that it was dark and I couldn't really make out who it was. Still, I don't have a call, email, facebook comment, text, or any of that other stuff from whoever this was. I know it's not necessary for them to do that, but it tends to happen that if you bump into people for whatever reason, they usually happen to leave you some sort of message about how they saw you. You know, in case anything that happened before two hours ago was suddenly erased from memory?

Maybe I'll find out tomorrow. Maybe it was just some nice person trying to be friendly to someone they don't even know. Until then, I'll be losing sleep over this, cause what if it was a friend and they saw me brush them off like that since I really honestly didn't even comprehend what the hell was going on until it was too late? I'm sure it's not going to be that drastic, but still, crazier stuff has happened.

So Little To Do, So Much Time

blaze a pound a weed, six days up out tha week

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My little holiday break here has been pretty funny. I mean, I have had little nothing to commit to. Shopping- done online, work- I only work part time, and I don't have school since the semester ended, Family- not so much, Friends- keep in mind that Dearborn is hellishly boring and that I'm the only one with a car. It's kind of difficult to go out and have fun with people without slowly becoming the "drive me places" bitch. The one thing that I said I wanted to accomplish over these couple of weeks was to finally complete Bioshock in time for getting The Orange Box on the 25th.

I started my game over fresh since I was only a couple hours in, and going back, I missed a hell of a lot of stuff. I walked around for almost 40 minutes yesterday in the game doing stuff that I completely skipped over for whatever reason. Found 2 new tonics, tons of ammo and money (and I remember being pissed because I never had any ammo in my first try through), and a lot of people to kill. It was pretty damn satisfying.

Maybe I should go play it now instead of sit around writing?

Awesome New Stuff!

dR. dRE PRESENtS dETOX
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So, the past few days were filled with some unexpected surprises that really made me happy.

First and foremost was a trailer for a Speed Racer movie made by the Wachowski brothers. It's at speedracerthemovie.com . To be honest, I'm not expecting a hell of a lot from this movie, but I'm still excited for the whole idea.

Second, Dr. Dre apparently set his final album Detox to be released this June. I'm fucking elated. I've been waiting years for this album. As far as I'm concerned, he's the best goddamn rapper/producer out there by a long shot. And I mean a really long shot, especially with the crap that's been passing for music lately. I'll be there at midnight if at all possible to pick it up and rock out for the rest of the eternity.

Other than those, I've only got class up to this Friday and I'm off the hook for break. I beat Quake4 earlier today, so that just leaves me with completing Bioshock before Xmas if at all possible since when I get the Orange Box I'll be pretty occupied. Combine that with reading Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, plus whatever else comes my way along with stuff like Super Mario Galaxy, it should be a fun time.

Taking Shots

OMFG TILA TEQUILA IS ON!!
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As much as I find most of television to be absolute, unwatchable crap these days, especially MTV, VH1, G4, and FOX, I can't help but watch A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. I don't know why. I hate reality TV. I don't think MTV is a very good network either, but something about this show has me hooked. It fucking pisses me off, but just because I feel like a hypocrite for liking it so much.

I guess I do like the show a bit, but what really makes it fun for me is just sitting down with a few friends, using their tivo, and replaying people getting punched in the face or that hard drug using, crack whore Amanda's facial expressions. Seriously, her facial features are grotesque with a mangled set of lips, wrinkled face, and bugged out eyes. She always looks like shes strung out on something hard. Maybe she does rails of coke between shots. I don't know. But it seems likely.

Pretty!

school
trying to do a goddamn paper
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So I woke up at 5:50am today to register for classes. Apparently, tomorrow is the registration date, so I get to repeat the misery all over again! I was so tired this morning that I just slept through my class from 10:20-11:10. I know it's bad, but I would have literally just slept the whole time due to exhaustion. So I woke up around 11:30, took care of stuff, and then drove to school for my art history class. It was canceled. Damn it. I forgot to check my e-mail this one time, and I go to school for nothing.

So I got to come home and type a final paper/presentation for my psychology class. It's not long, and it was a really easy paper, but of course I procrastinated until now to do it. I started typing a 3 paged, double spaced paper at around 2pm. I finished around 7:45. Needless to say I have severe ADD and a horrible StumbleUpon addiction. Some good did come from this however, which was my discovery of the Unreal Tournament 3 demo.

This game looks so pretty, it's awesome. I can max it no problem, and everything is so fast and fluid. Being a big Quake fan, I like the game play a helluva lot too. The weapons are interesting, the alternate firing modes are cool, the physics are nice, feigning death is a nice move, and some of the vehicles (like the War of the Worlds -esque one) are kickass. I'm extremely tempted to buy the full copy soon if I come across some extra money since I'm that impressed.