12.30.2007

Pass the Past

lets get nostalgic
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With whatever I have right now, it leaves a hell of a lot to be desired. I'm missing something in my life, and it ruins everything. Sure, I can seem happy, but I still don't think that I've got it all. Everyone else seems to have all their shit figured out and ready to go, while I sit here wondering what the hell to do with myself, and how to finally go about doing it.

Yeah, I fucking already know that for pretty much everyone out there it's not an easy ride, but it's just the fact that this illusion exists and is so powerful all the time. I know for a fact that things aren't perfect for others, especially after a few days ago, but I still can't help but want to hate the world for now. Yeah, life isn't fair, nothings fair, blah blah blah. If anyone knows the way the world functions, its going to be me since I'm a no nonsense kinda guy when it comes to life.

Still, I fell like shit. I feel lonely. I feel weak. I feel vulnerable. I feel like theres something terribly fucked up. It isn't right. I like to brush stuff off and keep on going in my old humorous, no nonsense, spur of the moment ways, but I feel stuck now, trapped. Nothing seems right. Like puzzle pieces just forced together, it just doesn't mesh. Looking back at the previous year, I'd love to think that I'm at an all time low, and I probably am. I need more people in my life, and not just anybody, but as much as I hate to admit it, I really doubt that I can get things the way they were forever, or ever again.

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