An Anecdotal Adventure

>L4D
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A little anecdote: A few weekends ago I had the flu. Bad. Worse than ever. I was, for about 3 hours, puking up yellow stomach acid and water because my stomach was that empty. Really unpleasant, especially when coupled with the shits. This lasted all night, and in the morning I decided to take a super long hot shower. I ran it until the full blast hot water ran cold. There was no more warm water left in our entire house, or our neighbors house I would guess.

Anyway, what the fuck is up with sharting? That's terrible. You go to sneeze, cough, fart, or whatever and a little liquid shit pops out to say "hi" allover your ass cheeks and inside of your shorts. I think everyone's reaction is the same when this happens too. You don't go "Wait. Hm. What was it that just happened? I'm not quite sure - I need to investigate.". You know what just happened. There's nothing else it could be. You, a full grown adult, just shit yourself while laying on the nice couch. Why couldn't it have been the loveseat? When this happens, you go "Fuck.", realize the "being a full grown adult" thing, and then say "Nobody must ever know of this! I need to get this out of here fast!" and proceed do everything in their power to erase any evidence of the event happening.

Well, the clothes get cleaned up really good, wiped clean with toilet paper and drenched in a half bottle of laundry pre-wash stain remover. You check your surroundings. Maybe something else got shit on it somehow? It's likely that there isn't. Why are you inspecting all the lamp shades? "Didn't I adjust the lamp a few minutes ago?" you think in panic. "Was it before or after this incident." then "Or was it this one? The nice navy blue on from IKEA".

The obligatory shower is just as bad. How do you get it off the fastest? Let the hot water run down it? That'll take forever, and it gets allover your legs and feet. Your feet are bad enough without a nice layer of shit on them. You don't want to use your hands either, this situation is gross enough already. Poop hands should probably be avoided.

The shower part is a lot worse when you have to do it with cold water, like when you take a 30 minute hot shower earlier in the day and use it all up.

Eventually, something will happen that leads to cleanliness. I don't how to explain it without watching every episode of MacGyver because out of a seriously limited number of cleaning supplies and tools everything will get taken care of through some ingenious manipulation.