Just Gotta Ignore It...

>tatted up and fatted up
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As seemingly good as my life has been recently, the world itself is the same old shitty place. I can't get over how fucking much my books cost, and continue to cost me since I don't even own all of them yet. 110$ for a book I know I'll use maybe 5 times over the next 3 months. Not even 5 important times. Bullshit. The schools and book companies are gouging my wallet like no other. Their profits have to be ridiculous.

This past week at school was going pretty well for me. Good classes, nice people, decent teachers, all arranged in a tight fitting, efficient schedule. I have free time in the afternoon and actually do homework the night it's assigned all while having time to burn on my own endeavors.

Today I realized why my week was going so well - I wasn't scheduled for any of those days at work, and really, I didn't even think about that place for a second. I didn't miss it one bit. Now I realize that work is for the most part, the cause of all the stress in my life. Every night of every weekend is spent there, giving me no time to go out and see other people. Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays are busy days, and therefore I do lots of work for long and painful shifts. Yeah, they're maybe only 6 or 7 hours, but when they last from 4pm onward the majority of your day, and the time you could be spending with others, takes place in a miserable little kitchen run by confused, miserable people. After a single shift today, I was sick of that place. I need to get out. How do the managers work 50 hours a week there? How? It's got to be soul crushing.

Walkie Talkie

>that beautiful, intoxicating yellow house. and that horrendous landscaping next door...
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Yesterday, on the last full night of my little winter vacation I can honestly say that I had the most interesting, exciting, exhausting time in who knows how long. Everything I did was fun, memorable even. Imagine that.

I got off work, bundled up, and Neal and I trekked through the snow and fracturing ice to go see the fort for the first time in months.I think that only a picture can do this any sort of justice. The woods were dead and bare, but so bright with moonlight. Besides a few unidentifiable animal tracks, we were the only signs of life. It felt good to seem like the only humans on earth. I felt total disconnect from all the shit I have to see, hear, smell, think about, and deal with in my day to day affairs. Everything just melted into the snow and got left behind.

Afterwards, we met up with one of Neal's friends and her sister and wandered the neighborhood for at least an hour, just walking in the middle of the snow filled streets. It was cold, I was congested, but it was a long and good conversation with some good people.

I could have gone to bed happy, but then I got a call from Andy, my coworker, and he wanted to go sledding at Ford Field. I decided to meet up with them, even though it was already well past midnight and my legs were sore.

I ended up waiting 25 minutes at the park for them to get there, all while trying to get there as fast as possible because I figured they'd be waiting for me. I wasn't mad though, I wasn't even that annoyed, and when everyone showed up we had a blast sledding until around 2:30. Good times.

Tomorrow is my first day of classes for the new semester. I don't want to go at all. Should I?

Immune

glasses glasses!
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So, on my quest to try to stop wasting time getting messed up I decided to try to take out what was left of the new years beers tonight. I just drank 10 beers, and I really don't even feel that large of a buzz. Granted, they were Busch Light - but still. I just took a 20 minute walk and I didn't feel tipsy or clumsy or much of anything.

Besides the 120 oz. of beer, I had a pretty awesome night. Neal and Aaron came over and we just talked for 3 hours straight. We talked about abortion, human nature, life, feelings, society, 2012, and total social transparency. It was filled with debate, opinion, and argument. It was both nerve wracking and relaxing. It was probably the best Friday night I've had in a long while.

Here's to more nights like this one. Cheers.

Boggled...

>hey baby i hear the blues a callin'
>tossed salad and scrambled eggs
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I don't even know what to say right now, my life is a mess. A horrible, horrible mess. Shit is fucked up. I'm not even sure where to begin the reconstruction. Relationships? Work? School? Home? Myself?

One thing I do know is that I'm on nasaimages.org. I'm fucking blown away. Maybe it's because I haven't been drunk in a while and I forgot the awesome feeling, but just looking at these photographs of hundreds of galaxies each with billions of stars, I can't help but want to simultaneously kill myself out of fear of uselessness and celebrate at the beautiful chaos of the universe. I'm fucking torn between the two. I've never felt so powerful and so weak at the same time. The mere fact that all of this exists is so excruciatingly wonderful and terrifying at the same time is almost like ecstasy.