I've got shit to do!

awesome nap, awesome dreams
---
I've got shit to do right now- I'm just not doing it.

This is a problem.

Actually its a reoccurring theme.

I need my life proofread and edited.

An Anecdotal Adventure

>L4D
---
A little anecdote: A few weekends ago I had the flu. Bad. Worse than ever. I was, for about 3 hours, puking up yellow stomach acid and water because my stomach was that empty. Really unpleasant, especially when coupled with the shits. This lasted all night, and in the morning I decided to take a super long hot shower. I ran it until the full blast hot water ran cold. There was no more warm water left in our entire house, or our neighbors house I would guess.

Anyway, what the fuck is up with sharting? That's terrible. You go to sneeze, cough, fart, or whatever and a little liquid shit pops out to say "hi" allover your ass cheeks and inside of your shorts. I think everyone's reaction is the same when this happens too. You don't go "Wait. Hm. What was it that just happened? I'm not quite sure - I need to investigate.". You know what just happened. There's nothing else it could be. You, a full grown adult, just shit yourself while laying on the nice couch. Why couldn't it have been the loveseat? When this happens, you go "Fuck.", realize the "being a full grown adult" thing, and then say "Nobody must ever know of this! I need to get this out of here fast!" and proceed do everything in their power to erase any evidence of the event happening.

Well, the clothes get cleaned up really good, wiped clean with toilet paper and drenched in a half bottle of laundry pre-wash stain remover. You check your surroundings. Maybe something else got shit on it somehow? It's likely that there isn't. Why are you inspecting all the lamp shades? "Didn't I adjust the lamp a few minutes ago?" you think in panic. "Was it before or after this incident." then "Or was it this one? The nice navy blue on from IKEA".

The obligatory shower is just as bad. How do you get it off the fastest? Let the hot water run down it? That'll take forever, and it gets allover your legs and feet. Your feet are bad enough without a nice layer of shit on them. You don't want to use your hands either, this situation is gross enough already. Poop hands should probably be avoided.

The shower part is a lot worse when you have to do it with cold water, like when you take a 30 minute hot shower earlier in the day and use it all up.

Eventually, something will happen that leads to cleanliness. I don't how to explain it without watching every episode of MacGyver because out of a seriously limited number of cleaning supplies and tools everything will get taken care of through some ingenious manipulation.

Back in Business?

>beatbox my heartbeat. untie my shoes like I did my heartstrings
---
Hello world. It's been a while. My life has changed. No, my mind has changed - I just see life much differently now. My life's changed too. I guess.

I'm back into playing WoW, I play TF2 almost religiously now, and I'm only taking 9 credits in school this semester. I haven't been scheduled to work in a week. I like my classes, they are easy. I'm pretty much completely alone all day long, every day. By the time people start coming home, I'm either just starting to go to class, or have had to work. I feel insane. I think I'm starting to dislike other people around me. I'm uncomfortable. I think I'm going to start working out next week after my birthday on the 23rd.

Exile

>Bambino...
---
Well, it's just days before school starts. I feel like hell. I feel useless, dumb, blind, unwanted. I feel I need some sort of break to make myself better. Get rid of this sickness called reality. I guess I contracted it through an epiphany. My sluggish reactions to what life has thrown at me has caused everything I deluded myself into loving to come crashing down on me. I can't comprehend how to decide what it all means, so finding the meaning of the answer is impossible.

I need some sort of escape from my body and earth. From the universe. From suddenly realizing that everything that will ever happen and has ever happened means nothing in the grand scheme of everything or anything.

How do I lift curses?

Clarity

>someone is calling my name from the back of the restaurant
---
Lately, I've been having lengthy periods of a sort of nihilistic clarity. My mind just focuses on the larger picture of everything that goes on around me and it makes a sort of sense out of the world and universe. I swear that within the past few days I have learned the reason why everyone acts the way they do, how the universe works, and how it began and will end. It's bizarre, and scary, and unsettling.

Summer Blues: Part I

>looking for nothing
>dinner bah
---
My fucking life. Shit.

I can't even begin to explain what the hell is wrong with me lately. I have no motivation to do anything. It seems that work is the only fun I have all day, and that's definitely a stretch.

I can't read, I can't bring myself to play WoW, I can't make music, watch movies, eat something, anything. I just have no desire to do any of it. The only problem is what I do have attention for. I just tried drawing while listening to System of a Down. I came up with a face, and a little hair before losing all interest in art in general.

4chan doesn't amuse like it used to, nor does gamefaqs, facebook, myspace, wis.dm, or stumble. No one emails me, the only 2 blogs I read rarely update (kinda like me, heh...), and there are so few people that are entertaining on AIM it's sad.

Anyway, BAWWWWWWWW.

Here I am, now where are the past three weeks?

>drop a heart/break a name
---
So here I am, still off the track of my life. I feel so much slipping away, missed opportunities, jokes, moments, people. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm in a terrible grind right now, merely weeks into my summer break. It's torturous. I need more excitement in my life, but I don't know where to get it from.

Drinking is always a fun escape, but I need new places and faces, I can't do the usual "world explorer" bit I like to do with gas prices this high, and there's also the little fact that I've explored so much stuff with my friends I have left little to be found. I think Toledo was the farthest any of them were willing to go on my adventures, but I know I'd take them out to California if they had the time and I had the money.

I can barely get into WoW. TF2 isn't cutting it lately. CS:S is a love/hate relationship. I keep forgetting that Half Life 2 exists. I don't want to replay Bioshock until I get DX10. Not enough people play Smash Brothers well enough for them to be a challenge or any fun at all. Anything else? Not game related.

Books are hard to read for me now, though this could be just my choice of reading materials. Hitchhiker's Guide is good, but so odd that I often lose focus on what the hell is going on. I keep trying to read my books on philosophy, but with my schedule the way it is I'm usually too tired to stay awake for more than a few paragraphs or have already made plans for a night out. I want to be enlightened though, just at a more convenient time.

So basically, I'm in a rut. A really fucked up rut, and I hate it.

Wow, I guess I need some philosophical studies to get some pleasure out of what I have.

Time Escapes Me!

>robotic
>enslavement and sorrow
---
It's been a goddamn month since I've written anything and I'm kinda pissed at my lack of drive to do something productive. At least I kind of accomplished some stuff like finished a semester of school with a 3.6 gpa, rearranged my room and computer stuff, and started playing CS:S. Well, I kind of started playing World of Warcraft again too. Whatever. It's summer and I need to do something.

Here are some goals I'd like to accomplish:
>make music with Julius Mode or Burlap Baby
>read a lot of literature
>work out often
>become more frugal so I'm not always dirt poor

Baby Politicians

>wow, i fucking suck at css
---
Today, at school, were the student government elections. What a joke. For some reason, I was 20 minutes early to class - a rare occasion. As soon as I enter the building, I'm bombarded with fliers, people talking, hand gestures, and whatever else goes along with getting people to vote for you.

Some girl I've never seen before (big surprise) walks up to me. She's running for something. Not president. I don't know, maybe senator. She asks me if I'm going to class. No shit I'm going to class, does she think I like to walk around inside college campus buildings at 9 a.m. for fun? She doesn't get the hint that I want to keep walking and would prefer it if she stayed stationary. She follows me, opens up one of her little booklets, and props it in front of me so she can show and read it to me as I walk to class. Christ!. I get rid of her by going to the bathroom, then get rid of her pamphlets by introducing them to the garbage bin.

Fortunately, I found a way to Solid Snake my way around them for the rest of the day. Mostly because of fear.

I Threw Away my Childhood?

>hey eric, remember when i went over your house and we bought that neopets cereal? that shit was fucking stupid
>grotesque
---
Today while taking out the trash, I noticed some Pokemon cards in one of the clear plastic bags. Not just any cards though, some of my favorite cards, specifically a Lieutenant Surge's Electabuzz. For some reason, this didn't phase me, and now that I look back to 5 hours ago I feel a kind of awkward sadness.

See, I held onto the goddamn cards for this long, since fourth or fifth grade. That's 8 or 9 years spent keeping these things safe and in great condition. They're worth next to nothing in money, but always represented a really important part of who I was growing up. I used to play all the Pokemon games, watched the anime, and even played the card game - semi professionally. I played because I guess I was just that good when I was that age compared with all of the other underachieving dumbshits who thought they could play.

Anyway, it's odd that I didn't feel anything about these cards as I saw them there, sitting in the trash. I just threw away part of my childhood. A big part. And it didn't phase me.

I'm tempted to go out on a limb and say that maybe I'm actually starting to grow up.

Maybe I'm an adult now, maybe I'm not. All I really know is how much it saddens me to think of this happening. I didn't think I'd ever actually change. I thought I could just sit and play in my own little world forever and things would just take care of themselves, but it doesn't look like my dream is going to last much longer, let alone forever.

I have to work on my life.

Lists of things that keep me awake

>just kickin some ass
---
A list of the random shit that goes through my head

-I don't understand Kid Rock. His image is pretty much being a badass of sorts, and a lot of his music pretty much goes with it. However, on his latests album Rock and Roll Jesus he's got songs like "Amen" and "All Summer Long" which are loaded full of sentimental, religious bullshit. Totally not Kid Rock there. Besides, his next songs, "So Hott" and "Sugar" are loaded with lines like:

SO HOT I wanna get you alone
SO HOT I wanna get you stoned
SO HOT I dont wanna be your friend
I wanna fuck you like I'm never gonna see you again

or these excerpts from Sugar:

And I fuck hot pussy until it's cold
You can kiss my Anglo-Saxon ass
I'm the illest mutha fucker on the God damn planet

(Now keep in mind, the lyrics right there are from 2 songs directly after the sentimental religious shit I mentioned earlier.)

Now that's the shit I like to see! This is the Kid Rock we all love/loathe. I don't think anyone wants to pay money to have him talk about sending his kids to church or some girlfriend he had back in the day. We want the real Kid Rock. The 40 oz. malt liquor chugging, swear up a storm, donkey punch your wife Kid Rock. Now we're talking!


-Have you ever had to take a massive shit? Of course you have. However, when you sit, have you ever had a really difficult time gettin' that little fucker out? Like, it's almost too big for your asshole to process? It's usually really hard too. Like someone put a baseball sized rock in your rectum. Well, after the horrifying experience is over, don't you ever feel like your asshole is "spaced out"? It feels larger than before, like you forced something so big through it that it stretched it.

Let me say this: I had one so bad the other day, that after I left, it felt like I had been at a goddamned porno shoot for hours. It felt that large. Yeah, I know that's fucked up.

-What would it be like to write scripts for pornos? Like the cheesy ass dialogue. I really want to know how they do it for stuff like Big Sausage Pizza, First Fat Chick, and anything that picks up "random girls" on the street.