Back in Business?

>beatbox my heartbeat. untie my shoes like I did my heartstrings
---
Hello world. It's been a while. My life has changed. No, my mind has changed - I just see life much differently now. My life's changed too. I guess.

I'm back into playing WoW, I play TF2 almost religiously now, and I'm only taking 9 credits in school this semester. I haven't been scheduled to work in a week. I like my classes, they are easy. I'm pretty much completely alone all day long, every day. By the time people start coming home, I'm either just starting to go to class, or have had to work. I feel insane. I think I'm starting to dislike other people around me. I'm uncomfortable. I think I'm going to start working out next week after my birthday on the 23rd.

Clarity

>someone is calling my name from the back of the restaurant
---
Lately, I've been having lengthy periods of a sort of nihilistic clarity. My mind just focuses on the larger picture of everything that goes on around me and it makes a sort of sense out of the world and universe. I swear that within the past few days I have learned the reason why everyone acts the way they do, how the universe works, and how it began and will end. It's bizarre, and scary, and unsettling.

Boggled...

>hey baby i hear the blues a callin'
>tossed salad and scrambled eggs
---
I don't even know what to say right now, my life is a mess. A horrible, horrible mess. Shit is fucked up. I'm not even sure where to begin the reconstruction. Relationships? Work? School? Home? Myself?

One thing I do know is that I'm on nasaimages.org. I'm fucking blown away. Maybe it's because I haven't been drunk in a while and I forgot the awesome feeling, but just looking at these photographs of hundreds of galaxies each with billions of stars, I can't help but want to simultaneously kill myself out of fear of uselessness and celebrate at the beautiful chaos of the universe. I'm fucking torn between the two. I've never felt so powerful and so weak at the same time. The mere fact that all of this exists is so excruciatingly wonderful and terrifying at the same time is almost like ecstasy.